The Saga of Joseph Malchus —Chapter 1: The Big Inheritance

CHAPTER 1: The Big Inheritance

Grifters gotta grift. We’ve all seen the letter. The Nigerian prince who wants to give us $20 million just to help him get his oil money out of his corrupt country. What a great idea.

Whoever fell for this one ruined it for everybody.

Thanks to you, the 25 year old scam is still alive and well.

For the latest spin on an old idea, I received the following letter last week from “Fred Aragon” a spanish attorney, informing us we had inherited $13,500,000 from rich –and dead– Joseph Malchus (Note: There is no Joseph Malchus anywhere in our geneology).

Okay fine. Let’s have some fun. I replied via email to Fred’s letter as follows:

Dear Mr. Aragon,

Thank you for the letter you sent to my aunt (see attached). I am sad to hear of my late uncle Joseph Malchus’ passing but must admit I haven’t seen him since I was a small child in Lithuania. It was my understanding he was there to meet the woman that would become his wife. Despite her having an eye patch and one leg, Babochka was beautiful and loved uncle Joseph so. Mining accidents can be a terrible thing but I digress.

I understand uncle had a large chinchilla and muskrat ranch in Indonesia. I was never able to actually visit but it is my understanding it was very extensive. It pleased me to know that virtually every expensive cologne and perfume manufactured in Paris, Milan, and Anchorage contained at least a small part of Uncle Joseph’s musk farm. It was because of this –and despite the thousands of miles that separated us– I was always maintain a connection to him whenever I opened a bottle of Burberry, Brut, or Victor & Rolf. It’s small things like this that are most important.

Which brings me to his estate. Certainly he was wealthy, and I admit I am somewhat surprised he was able to leave a small portion to our side of the family. I did hear Bobo remarried (we called Babochka aunt Bobo) Last I heard she was living on a massive ostrich ranch in Honduras). We had such an international family which is why I also haven’t seen Bobo in so many years.

I’m not sure how you were able to find us, but I’m glad you did. Please respond and let us know the next step in the process.

I am handling all legal issues on behalf of my aunt.

Kind regards,
Dergan Silvenstein

This wasn’t the cleanest or most well thought out letter I could write, but maybe it doesn’t need to be. Let’s sit back and see what happens.

Note: Our friend Fred Aragon replied! See how the story continues in Chapter 2: The Set-Up.

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